Divorce makes everyone edgy. Attorneys who practice in this area of the law are counseled by their mentors and peers: find a good psycho-therapist for your clients and one for yourself.
Highly emotional issues swamp the divorce scenario: it’s not simply a matter of assets, it’s a matter of valuables, not the least of which are the best interests of the children. Young or old, the kids are unwitting witnesses to the horrors of splitting a family up between the adults. Parents often have great difficulty keeping emotions under control. Children observe and absorb this. It is common knowledge that children of divorced parents learn to parrot to whomever has custody at the time not what they want/need, but what that parent wants to hear.
The Courts are keen to this.
About the worst thing you can be for any person trying their best to represent your interests is to assume that yours is the only case in the office. Dropping in unannounced or expecting an immediate appointment puts stressors on the organization as a whole, not just the attorney.
Sometimes, parties get anxious about taking the first step, or signing on the dotted line. The way your attorney handles signing you up as a client and preparing your papers is their way of keeping in check the variables affecting your case. Often, that process is compounded with a true emergency and offices are accustomed to dealing with a real crisis from time to time. When you characterize every aspect of your case as a “true emergency” requiring immediate attention and dropping all other matters, you wear out your welcome quickly. Crying “WOLF” all the time will put you in the same predicament as the boy in Aesop’s fable: not to be believed and in trouble without support.
There are strict rules attorneys are bound to follow with respect to communicating with clients. The file belongs to you, the client and the attorney is required to keep you apprised of everything that happens in your case.
Where relationships break down is over small things: needless, repetitive syntax changes to simple documents that have strict filing deadlines; filing (or serving) papers with just minutes to spare, untimely, or not at all. The most skilled among us still need time to prepare and evaluate issues, brief and argue them before the Court. That is what you are paying for. Dropping in to dictate flourishes on your brief will not endear you to the person behind the desk who took the trouble, after many secretarial jobs, to get the JD and pass the Bar. Creative license aside, if you want to write the briefs, by all means do so, but do not expect your counsel to sign his or her name to your version of events.
The same goes for that bastion of evidence you have to back up your claims: Hand it over first thing. Not being able to “find” it the night before the hearing is no excuse. The credibility of your side of the case depends on following through. Compromise your integrity one time too many and it is lost forever. Some judges are like elephants: they never forget.
Perhaps the best advice to clients about how to get the most out of their representation is to consider their divorce attorney like they would their favorite surgeon: it’s best not to insult the one holding the scalpel. We most certainly want to hear if you’re in pain. We just don’t want to sort through all of your emotional baggage in the process.
The best thing you can do when represented is to be the kind of client you would want if you were the attorney.